Update #4: A Door!

Friday, Aug. 31, 5:25 p.m.: A door. At last. Unfortunately, the installation of the door was supposed to be followed in quick succession by the arrival of my books and the installation of my sweet faculty computer. As you can see, the books made it but alas, the computer did not. Actually, they tried to tell me that I'd ordered a PC when I, ahem, would never order a PC. I'm a Mac girl tried and true. So, no computer until Tuesday, moments before classes start. I guess I'm not going to be able to hook up the robo-SJB to teach my first Amherst class. Too bad.

Door Update #3

Steel yourselves: Thursday, 9:39 a.m. No door.

Prof. SJB's office hours to be held in local abandoned barn. Bring rough drafts, a flashlight and bug spray.

Door Update #2

Tuesday, 7:21 p.m.: Still no door.

Rip Van Winkle at the Checkout Counter

Apparently I've been living in Grover's Corners for the last seven years, as evidenced by my last two visits to the major chain grocery stores in Amherst: Super Stop 'n' Shop¹ and The Big Y.² While I was quietly shopping for produce and toilet paper at the Berkeley Bowl, Monterey Market and Trader Joe's, grocery stores were feeding like gremlins, tripling in size and remaking themselves into giant Everything Stores, where the shelves are stocked with the collective consumer goods of fifteen other stores, but it's still impossible to read the aisle headings and know what lies within (for example: Tell me what "Ethnic Food" means to you).

In my explorations of the Super Stop 'n' Shop, I discovered half an aisle devoted to imported Irish food: Irish candy bars, Irish tea, Irish crackers. Both the S S'n'S and the Big Y have embedded bookstores (or what passes for bookstores), pharmacies, "Natural" food stores, and restaurants within their vast dominions. The Big Y has two enormous aisles devoted to pets -- pet beds, pet food, pet toys, pet cable knit sweaters -- and another to automotive needs. Yet given the task of finding a solitary Chip Clip with which to secure my corn flakes, I came up short: instead I found a bag of 32 clothespins in the Laundry Needs aisle. The Chip Clips must have been hiding between the issues of "Poker" magazine (sample article: "5 Ways to Work on Anger Management") and the plastic container shaped like a popcorn bag that, I'm assuming, is every surround-sound home theater aficionado's must-have accoutrement for Fall.

I'm not bitter, I'm just looking for where they sell the food.

¹ The Super Stop 'n' Shop never fails to make me think of this dumb inside joke we had in college that it should be called "Stop 'n' Shop 'n' Stop again" so people don't just stay there forever shopping. We thought that was hilarious at the time. I still think it's pretty hilarious.
² Why?

I see a doorway, there is no door

That's right, as I mentioned, I have an office, but it has no door. Apparently, there are only two companies that make a door to fit this particular building. If I don't get a door by the first day of classes, I'm putting up hippie beads and installing a lava lamp, administration be damned.

P.S. Can anyone identify the subject heading? Hint: It's Wesleyan-related.

A smattering of advice received

Get lots of sleep.

Bring your prescription bottles with you to indie rock concerts.

Wait 30 years for your New England neighbors to accept you as one of them and come talk to you voluntarily.

Bring your dog to the office.

Take your students on field trips to the Village, but don't abandon them there.

Drive to Springfield and take the train to New York, or drive to New Haven and take the train to New York, or drive to Brooklyn and leave the car, or take the bus to Boston, or wait for the 4:23 Amtrak from Amherst and go to Vermont.

Don't diss organized sports at Amherst. If you don't like football, follow a don't ask-don't tell policy.

Choose your allegiance: Amherst Coffee for the old-timers; Rao's Coffee for the young 'uns.

Live in Northampton: it's cooler.

Live in Amherst: easy access to all those faculty meetings!

Set traps, spray hives, buy a dehumidifier, chop down those high bushes, buy a push lawn mower, compost your dog waste, buy firewood by the side of the road, don't wait to buy a snow shovel, lock your doors, leave your doors unlocked.

Get life insurance, start a retirement account, anticipate all your medical and health-related expenses for the next year, pick a doctor, find a dentist, think about starting a family so you can save money on your taxes!

Relax! Hike the trails, bike the roads, hit the farmer's market, explore the area, drink the local brew, socialize, exercise, learn about Emily Dickinson, go to the movies, eat the local cuisine, but hurry up, because you only have ten days until classes start.

Membership has its privileges

I may not have a door on my office, but I have a parking permit!
I was told today by a senior member of the Amherst faculty that my transition to life as a faculty member is an adjustment because I'm used to being told what to do, and, consequently, not considering myself an adult.
That's not entirely true -- I had quite a bit of autonomy at Berkeley (um, you could even go so far as to call it "free reign") -- but I'll admit it feels strange that people I've just met are calling me "Doctor" and "Professor." I keep expecting them to chuckle after saying it, like we did in grad school. It's true that while the rest of you were out there getting mortgages and jobs, I was still flashing a student ID for reduced admission to movies and eating ramen.^* So, yeah, I guess I've been a student for so long that suddenly being a professor feels contrary to my highly-cultivated grad student lifestyle. But I'll get the hang of it. And for starters I can park on campus!

^* That's totally false. But you get the idea.

That's grand, cheers!

I spent the first week of August in Ireland learning that every time I said "That's great, thanks!" people knew exactly where I was from. Click here to enjoy some photos of the verdant wonderland of Ireland, where the dollar is weak but the Guinness is strong; the tea served frequently and with milk; cows walk the highways; everyone has a castle in their backyard; the tourists have to relearn how to drive; potatoes make up 3/4 of every meal; everywhere you turn someone is speaking Catalán; the chocolate tastes better (really! It's true!); the smaller the road, the greater the chance you'll never find your way back; and the scenery is so spectacular, you wonder why you waited this long to go!

The SJB Returns, and blueberries

AMHERST, MASS. -- I realize that my blog readership has probably dwindled down to a select few after my long absence, but here it is, the middle of August, and since I last set foot in the blogosphere, I've been to Ireland, moved to Massachusetts, driven to Brooklyn and back in a day (not recommended), and bought a hybrid car. I have arrived!

More updates to follow now that I'm wired for action. For now, however, I will placate you with this photo of wild blueberries from the forests of Northern Wisconsin. Visitors to my new faculty housing estate in Amherst may be offered handpicked wild Wisconsin blueberries from the stash in my freezer. Tempted?