If I wrote for Zagat's
At Fonda in Berkeley "Solano Ave. yuppies" enjoy "smokey" and "extremely expensive" mescal served by a bartender with an "unusual, almost eerie, in-depth knowledge" of the age of agave plants and "many tattoos." A great place for a "quick lesson in Mexican tequila land politics" at the bar before "sheepishly" heading off to a "rival" restaurant.
"Spitting distance" from the Claremont Hotel, Rick and Ann's serves "unpretentious California home cooking" to a local crowd. Be prepared to "eat breakfast once at the Peet's next door while you wait for your table to eat breakfast again" on the weekends, but Rick and Ann's is "blissfully accessible" at dinner and for weekday breakfast. The appetizer plate of carrot and celery sticks is "tasty" but "smacks of kindergarten snacktime."
Cross the Bay to hit "the only two places open after 6" at the Embarcadero Ferry Building in San Francisco. While you wait hours for the only reservation you could score at The Slanted Door, try the Market Bar for "oddly attentive service," "ten dollar cocktails" and oysters on the half shell. The Bar's "oyster man" will tell you, if you ask where the oysters come from, that "half are from the Atlantic; half are from the Pacific." Figures.
By the time you get to The Slanted Door, you will be "famished" and "so hungry you'll pay any price for anything." First sit down for a half hour in the lounge area and devour "scrumptious pork ribs" and "signature spring rolls" before arriving, "completely full," but "obligated to order dinner anyway" at your table. Your "devoted" server will "nod knowingly" every time you order something, even when you "betray your East Bay ignorance" by asking if the mussels are served "raw or cooked." Don't forget to check out the "semi-Marxist" bathroom arrangements.
Perhaps wanting to eat at a more "normal hour," you'll be pleased to note that The House on Grant Ave. in San Francisco's "strip-club friendly" North Beach neighborhood has not yet been "so discovered as to not take reservations from the likes of you." Yet. You may want to ask your server to "write the specials down," instead of "rattling them off like she's selling them at an auction," but then again, you may just want to "take your chances" with "what you're able to remember." Entrees can either be "spectacular" or "something I could have ordered somewhere else," so "good luck."
Back in Berkeley, if you've got "money burning a hole in your pocket" and "foodie aspirations," you'll want to eat "late, I mean really late" at Chez Panisse. Your server will sport a "difficult-to-characterize European accent," will be delighted to explain to you that the "nettles on your pizzetta are cooked in such a way so as not to sting you" and that there are "many ways to write 'cookie' in pretentious-sounding foreign languages" on the dessert menu. You'll love the "arts and crafts decor" and while the people at the next table may be "bad-mouthing restaurants in your hometown," you'll leave "extremely satisfied," "excited to have been allowed inside" and "out of cash."
"Spitting distance" from the Claremont Hotel, Rick and Ann's serves "unpretentious California home cooking" to a local crowd. Be prepared to "eat breakfast once at the Peet's next door while you wait for your table to eat breakfast again" on the weekends, but Rick and Ann's is "blissfully accessible" at dinner and for weekday breakfast. The appetizer plate of carrot and celery sticks is "tasty" but "smacks of kindergarten snacktime."
Cross the Bay to hit "the only two places open after 6" at the Embarcadero Ferry Building in San Francisco. While you wait hours for the only reservation you could score at The Slanted Door, try the Market Bar for "oddly attentive service," "ten dollar cocktails" and oysters on the half shell. The Bar's "oyster man" will tell you, if you ask where the oysters come from, that "half are from the Atlantic; half are from the Pacific." Figures.
By the time you get to The Slanted Door, you will be "famished" and "so hungry you'll pay any price for anything." First sit down for a half hour in the lounge area and devour "scrumptious pork ribs" and "signature spring rolls" before arriving, "completely full," but "obligated to order dinner anyway" at your table. Your "devoted" server will "nod knowingly" every time you order something, even when you "betray your East Bay ignorance" by asking if the mussels are served "raw or cooked." Don't forget to check out the "semi-Marxist" bathroom arrangements.
Perhaps wanting to eat at a more "normal hour," you'll be pleased to note that The House on Grant Ave. in San Francisco's "strip-club friendly" North Beach neighborhood has not yet been "so discovered as to not take reservations from the likes of you." Yet. You may want to ask your server to "write the specials down," instead of "rattling them off like she's selling them at an auction," but then again, you may just want to "take your chances" with "what you're able to remember." Entrees can either be "spectacular" or "something I could have ordered somewhere else," so "good luck."
Back in Berkeley, if you've got "money burning a hole in your pocket" and "foodie aspirations," you'll want to eat "late, I mean really late" at Chez Panisse. Your server will sport a "difficult-to-characterize European accent," will be delighted to explain to you that the "nettles on your pizzetta are cooked in such a way so as not to sting you" and that there are "many ways to write 'cookie' in pretentious-sounding foreign languages" on the dessert menu. You'll love the "arts and crafts decor" and while the people at the next table may be "bad-mouthing restaurants in your hometown," you'll leave "extremely satisfied," "excited to have been allowed inside" and "out of cash."
Labels: Vittles
posted by SJB at 12:17 PM
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