Sorry Joe, No Go.

I'm buying a new gas stove for my Noho condo, but it turns out that installing it is the hard part: the people who deliver it won't do it, the gas company won't do it... Only a licensed plumber can install my stove. Damn! Where to find a licensed plumber when you need one?

Not here.

Obama cleans up spilled ice cream. Do you?

Real Time Karma has posted a link to some very moving images of Barack Obama from one of the photographers who has been following the candidate on the campaign trail, and they're the perfect antidote to my 45 minutes spent in the Jiffy Lube waiting room. I sat there half-reading an OK! magazine and half-tuning out the rattle of CNN while overhearing two dudes laughing that Obama was going to reveal his anti-American sentiments and impose the "rule of Africa" on the U.S. once he's elected. Living in the liberal, academic Massachusetts bubble without cable news, I haven't encountered this kind of talk at all, so it was a bit sobering, and I sat there expecting worse.

Ojalá Obama's elected, but does that mean that every time we pop out of our bubbles we're going to hear racist comments about him, for the foreseeable future? These two guys were easily Obama supporters, by the way, who were just joking around. The ethicist in me wonders where a line gets crossed: when do I make my disgust known, and when do I just ignore what can be chalked up to two meatheads making a tasteless comment? It's a question that we all encounter in our daily lives over a variety of transgressions, no doubt. But transgressions that concern the first African-American president strike me as in a league of their own.

Dear John,

This is Spain. It is in Europe:







This is José Luís Rodríquez Zapatero, the Prime Minister of Spain:

This is Latin America:














Latin America and Spain are separated by the Atlantic Ocean, a large body of water. Latin America consists of at least 20 countries, all of which have leaders, none of whom are José Luís Rodríguez Zapatero.

You are an idiot.

Regards,
SJB

Realtime reactions to the RNC

10:03 -- I'm not gonna make it through Giuliani.
10:14 -- "Drill, baby, drill?" Are they kidding me with this shit?
10:17 -- Denial?!? About September 11th?!? Um... who was in denial about weapons of mass destruction and Iraq, hmm?
10:19 -- It's nice that they're able to recycle some of the same lies they used against Kerry. Who knew the Republicans did so much recycling?
10:22 -- "U.S.A! U.S.A! Ve-to Po-wer! Security Coun-cil! U.S.A!" Does the crowd even listen?
10:23 -- Jesus, Giuliani is a snarky little bastard, isn't he?
10:26 -- Feminist indignity, Rudy? Seriously?
10:31 -- Bleech.
10:33 -- John S. McCain, eh? Does that stand for... SATAN?!?
10:35 -- Wow, Bristol's got quite the grasp on Levi, huh? Nowhere to run now, son!
10:36 -- Ooh! It's Track! Stand up, Track! She's talkin' about you!
10:37 -- This Palin family drama... ah, but they're just like the Waltons, you say? Suuuuuure.
10:41 -- I can't wrap my head around this Alaskan accent: part-Northern Minnesota, part-WASP. She just sounds dumb.
10:43 -- PTA! There's credentials for ya!
10:44 -- San Francisco? But that's where the gays live!
10:49 -- Yes, the Bridge to Nowhere. Now there's executive power in action!
10:51 -- Foreign powers? You mean Russia. That's the one that's close to Alaska, right?
10:53 -- Make it be over. Make the beehive stop talking...
10:55 -- "Cloud of rhetoric?" What do you call this?
10:57 -- Hell yeah Obama wants to read prisoners their rights! Heard of the Constitution?!? Or do they have to put it on the Teleprompter for you?
11:02 -- Oh, this woman is evil and stupid. So I guess neither she nor Giuliani understand what a community organizer does, huh? Probably because no one organizes gated communities. That's it, I'm defecting to the Daily Show...

Surfing Radiowaves

It's always a little strange to listen to the radio over the internet. I frequently tune in to Wisconsin Public Radio because they play classical music without excessive yammering, and it reminds me of sitting in the kitchen in my parents' house. Classical music puts me into work mode, but I get ripped out of it every time I hear an ad for Big Top Chautauqua or notice Jim Packard's nasal Midwestern accent, forgetting where I am for a moment and wondering if that storm system is headed toward Kenosha or Viroqua.

I also still listen to KALX, the student radio station at UC-Berkeley, especially when I'm washing dishes or trying to wake myself up in my office. UMass has a college radio station, but it sucks most of the time, and 9 times out of 10 when I tune into the Amherst College station, all I get is static (I guess because no one can get out of bed at 10am to DJ. Just now I clicked on its webcast to see what was on and only realized I'd been listening to nothing after 19 minutes. I should probably turn that off.). So, anyway, I get my nostalgia listening to KALX, but I forget I'm listening to a station out of California until they tell me it's 9am when it's really noon, and the DJs complain about a third day of rain when we've had three months of below-freezing temperatures and 12 inches of snow, and I hear about indie movies at the San Francisco Film Festival when I haven't been to a city with a population over 30,000 in I don't know how long. Then I just get depressed.

I've even been known to listen to my local NPR station, WFCR, online at home, because if I'm in my office/guest room I can't always hear the speakers from the living room, and I like to move around and do stuff while I listen to "Wait! Wait! Don't Tell Me!" But for some reason the stream of WFCR lags about 5 seconds behind the broadcast, which is really annoying, and I get pretty fed up with every program being sponsored by "local author Augusten Burroughs." If every program were sponsored by "local author Emily Dickinson," I'd be much more willing to listen.

I don't listen to WESU (Wesleyan's station) online, because I never got into the habit, I guess, but I do pick it up in the car when I'm making my way up and down the I-91 corridor. Sometimes it's ok; sometimes it's terrible, but I have a fondness for the longest running college radio station, the place where I got my start (and finish) as a DJ, and the station "all the way left on your FM dial" (only 87.9 is lefter).

Me, college radio, and NPR. If I drove a Volvo and drank lattes, I'd be smack dab in the middle of a demographic.

Leisure for All

SJBlog reader and avowed friend of the working person Ms. Mattsie sent along his traditional May Day call for solidarity today, this time in the form of what he describes as "Walter Crane's quite famous maypole cut, from 1894. A very important icon from the English -- and world -- labor movement." I'd never seen it before, but thought it was worth sharing.

Moving Green

SEATTLE, WASH. -- As many of you know, SKBK is nothing if not an advocate for green and socially-conscious living, to the point of guilt-tripping the rest of us into toting around reusable coffee mugs and powering our hybrid hairdryers with soy-based fuel cell proteins (animal cruelty and chlorofluorocarbon-free). But of course we all know now that she's way ahead of her time, and I've been trying to put together as "green" a move to Amherst as I can.

What's in a green move? Boxes from Usedcardboardboxes.com, who delivered clean boxes that have only been used once (by weird pharmaceutical companies, it seems) for half the price of new boxes. For packing material, I'm putting to good use all the old cable bills, medical documents, top-secret SJB personal files and canceled checks that I've amassed over the last few years-- all that shredded detritus will line the bottoms of my used cardboard boxes quite nicely. My old electronics -- including a prehistoric MP3 player that approximates the weight and look of a bright blue brick -- are headed to the Alameda County Computer Resource Center, where they'll either be fixed and reused or recycled. The junk that was left over after I made a haul to Goodwill went out on the curb, accompanied by a Craigslist posting ("Pile of free stuff") offering its whereabouts. Goodies like a broken director's chair, a 45 of "Smooth Criminal," a box fan, videotapes of Ken Burn's "Jazz" series and a random assortment of bookmarks were gone within the hour to loving new homes. And, instead of pouring the contents of my liquor cabinet down the drain, I'm drinking as many Long Island Iced Teas as possible in the coming days. Just trying to do my part!

Also, in accordance with the advice of SKBK's book, "Green Living," I have decided not to fall into the trap of the "disposable-pet syndrome" and I will be recycling my dog into smaller gremlin-like furry animals that are easier to pack. I will name them EcoAddisons 1.1 through 1.14.

The (Pooper)Scoop

You can flush it, you can compost it, you can leave it on the ground until someone steps in it, or, like many of us, you can use the plastic bag your newspaper came in to scoop it up and toss it in the trash.

Unfortunately, that plastic bag is not biodegradable, so it's not going anywhere anytime soon.

These musings on dog poop -- and the prevalence of biodegradable poop bags in dog parks around Berkeley -- has started my extremely grass-roots campaign to get my daily paper (which claims to publish "all the news that's fit to print") to switch to biodegradable newspaper bags, a trend that's already begun with grocery bags in San Francisco.

I've also, as it happens, found a biodegradable bag company that I find most agreeable and that adheres to California's strict rules on what constitutes biodegradability. Biobags -- available in many San Francisco markets and hardware stores as well as online -- are made from corn, and have the feel of finely-woven gortex. Plus, they include instructions on how to pick up ("Plocka upp") and dispose ("Gool de zak in de vuilnisbak") of dog waste in seven languages right on the bag!

Still, why not take a moment to drop your local newspaper a note, encouraging them to switch to biodegradable baggies? Here's the email I sent the New York Times:

As a daily subscriber to the paper edition of your fine newspaper, I enjoy your cutting-edge reporting on issues that matter to me. I also, like many dog owners, enjoy using the bag your newspaper comes in to dispose of my pet's waste, as I find it's the perfect size for such a task. It seems, however, that given the interest your excellent periodical shows for environmental issues, and the general worrisome state of our environment, it's time to consider delivering your newspaper in biodegradable bags. Environmentally-conscious dog owners (and litter-box cleaners!) would thank you for such a forward-thinking action, and you might even gain subscribers who admire your tenacity in saving the planet.

Best wishes,
A concerned, informed and green dog owner

Please copy this email, edit it, add your name and send it to your local paper (or grocery store).

Tastes so sweet

"What's changed today? The election's over. And the Democrats won." -- George W. Bush, 3 minutes ago. First true words to come outta this guy's mouth since 2000.

Update on Berkeley's Measure H:

68.9% Yes
31.1% No

So long, suckers.

Measure H? Why, Yes!

On the whole I really dislike the California Proposition system, in which California voters are asked to make the decisions that we pay our legislators to make. I mean, sometimes it's a no-brainer, like Prop 85 (the abortion waiting period and parental notification proposed amendment), but other times, like Prop 89 (the corporate tax increase, campaign contribution and expenditure limits statue), it takes more work to decide. I spent an hour last night reading through the ballot, sorting through the gazillion political fliers I've gotten in the last week, listening to Bill Clinton's messages on my cell phone, watching one tv station run all the conservative proposition ads and another run all the liberal ones, checking on who or what my union and the Democratic Party and the mayor of Berkeley and the Sierra Club think I should vote for. Whoo-hoo, what a way to spend a Saturday night.
Anyway, I'm sick of all of it -- and I know I'm not the only one, and it's probably even worse in those battleground states -- but there is one redeeming measure on Tuesday's ballot: Berkeley's Measure H:

Shall the City of Berkeley petition the United States House of Representatives to initiate proceedings for the impeachment and removal from office of President George W. Bush and Vice President Richard B. Cheney and call upon the California State Legislature to submit a Resolution in support of impreachment to the United States House of Representatives?

First of all, who knew Dick Cheney's middle initial was B.? But also: you know what? I know this measure isn't going to do anything, and that everyone makes fun of Berkeley for all its lefty hippie pot-smoking legalized-prostitution-supporting out-of-touch-with-reality commie wacko "rules," but I love it. I love that I live in a place where Measure H will pass. Where we at least try. The rest of the country will have to wait until 2008, but in Berkeley we're kickin' 'em out 2006-style! In your face, Red States!

I do not recall my favorite flavor...

A visit to the Jelly Belly Factory in Fairfield, California today revealed that even a beloved candy company seems unable to stand above the fray of partisan politics. There are no fewer than four Ronald Reagan portraits made entirely out of Jelly Bellies on display, and since you're in line for an hour to take the factory tour, you get plenty of time to stare at them, and perhaps share your favorite Reagan anecdotes.
Then there's the Reagan shrine, culled from the 'personal archives' of Jelly Belly CEO Herman Rowland. Rowland sent a steady stream of Jelly Bellies to Reagan starting in the early 1970s, and in a prominently-displayed letter amid the Air Force One red, white and blue Jelly Bellies, Ronnie states that the availability of Jelly Bellies during Cabinet meetings was the reason the Reagan administration was able to get anything done. One wonders what they would have been able to get done without the Jelly Bellies.

But the right-wing fun-fest doesn't stop there, as prominent conservatives are immortalized in bean all over the Jelly Belly factory -- there's Arnold, the Pope, and both Bushes (those portraits weren't on display -- they must be at the National Gallery). I felt decidedly blue state in a red state candy store. (And the availability of an Arabic translation of the Jelly Belly "menu" just confused matters) Between that and the "Revelations 3:20" printed on my In 'n' Out burger wrapper, my jaunt out of Berkeley was an awful reminder of life outside the liberal bubble. I like my bubble, thank you very much. You can have yer stinkin' Roasted Garlic Jelly Bellies. I'll take my Al Gore and my bio-diesel producing Kettle Chips any day!

For a non-fiction character, Russ, you are also cool

In the interest of fairness to real-life politicians, I add my salute to Senator Russ Feingold, D-WI, for trying to censure GW yesterday for his No Wiretap Left Behind program, and saying: "This is certainly more serious than anything President Clinton was accused of doing." Understatement of the decade. And also: "It is reminiscent of what President Nixon was not only accused of doing, but was basically removed from office for doing." (I stole these quotes from the New York Times) And this is only one of the few things we know about!!

My question is: why must the rest of the Democrats treat Russ like a leper? What do they have against taking a stand?