Amherst Tea Party

Dear Amherst,
How are you? Thanks again for the job, and also for the door. Things are beginning to feel a little more familiar around here, day by day. The thing is, though, that, well... how can I put this? I'm addicted to caffeine. It's not the kind of thing I felt I could reveal in the interview because, frankly, I'm not proud of it. Getting addicted to caffeine happened in grad school, when I was only going to be able to pass my qualifying exams if I could keep my eyes open while reading Galdos' La Regenta. Have you read La Regenta? It's a long book. Actually, it's two volumes of a long book, from the 19th century, with a lot of adjectives. You get my drift.

Anyway, here's the kicker: unlike 95% of people addicted to caffeine, and 100% of Spanish Professors, I hate coffee. Don't touch the stuff. My weakness is for tea: a nice, full-bodied tea, a little smoky, a little nutty, with sugar and a splash of milk. Loose-leaf tea, a good Assam, a Ceylon, or even a Keemun, really stands up to the brewing process, holds its own with milk, and leaves you feeling fine and dandy for the rest of the afternoon. But even English Breakfast, Earl Grey, your more common blended teas, these are also excellent brews. And don't get me wrong, although I'm partial to loose leaf, I don't mind bagging it. A good-quality tea bag is nothing to snub your nose at, and there are plenty of options on the market these days: Numi, Stash, Republic of Tea, even Bigelow makes a powerful bag. Of course, as Mick and the gang said, you can't always get what you want, and so, sure, if I'm in an airport, or stuck going to Starbucks, I'll slum it: I'll drink an inferior bag, just because I'm jonesing for a jolt. I admit it.
But, that's the thing, I've been walking around this beautiful campus, all New Englandy, and I've been to receptions, the faculty dining hall, the student center, everywhere. And all I see is Lipton's. Lipton's! Lipton's is the in-bred, toothless third cousin of teas. It's a joke. Ask any self-respecting tea drinker, and they'll tell you that Lipton's is to tea as Folger's is to coffee. Sure, yeah, back in the '70s it might have been ok to drink instant coffee or Lipton's, but this is 2007, Amherst, and I'm as much of a tea snob as those other 95% are coffee snobs. But no one caters to the tea snob, noooooooooo, it's all espresso machines and fair trade beans and soy lattes around here, so where can an easy-going junior faculty member go for a little cuppa tea? Williams?!?

I hear that Super Stop 'n' Shop sells Irish tea. Also, didn't a bunch of people throw some tea in a river in Boston? Maybe you could talk to those people. You'd think with an endowment of a gazillion dollars someone could shell out a couple of bucks for a decent teabag.

Respectfully yours,
Dr. SJB, tea aficionado